Mikes Rant about the state of our Lifestyle.

OK, like most folks I have to admit, I watch the Biker Build-Off shows, American Chopper, and the rare Jesse James shows. Do I like the bikes these self important (not all are) mechanics put together? Not really. Ever since Indian Larry passed away there really has not been to many build offs that I liked.

No; the reason I watch (I think anyway) is because I love motorcycles. Even the bikes I hate are still bikes and I have to be around them and the people that love them.

Do I agree with these folks about what makes a custom bike custom? 90%, of the time, the answer is no. I mentioned Indian Larry before because in my mind he was one of the best builders in the market and thanks to the Biker Build-Off shows, the normal non-riding public got a chance to meet him and view his work. His philosophy that a motorcycle is a mechanical device and should maintain its mechanical look, function, and feel has always been my mode of thinking as well.

I want to make you, the reading public a pledge right here, right now. I vow never to stretch the tank (a lovely peanut tank) on my chopper, I wont try to hide my wires and cables in the frame, I wont use bondo or other fillers to smooth out the lines on my fender, and my rear disc will be mounted proudly and not hidden behind a sprocket.

You all know how I feel on this subject already so I wont beat the preverbal dead horse to much but while I'm swinging, let me get in another blow or two.

If you're in the market for a custom bike and you have all of that disposable income and you don't know the difference between metric and SAE then by all means, go down to your local shop (and they're everywhere now) and plop down the cash. But, and this is very important, stick around longer than it takes to pick out a paint job. If your local shop won't let you be more involved in the creation of your chopper then maybe you gave the wrong guys your cash.

When that fancy open belt drive eats a rock and you have to replace the belt, you should know how to do it. If your tire goes flat when you're in the store you need to be reaching for your tool pouch (you do have a basic tool pouch right?) instead of your cell phone to call AAA. Watching a TV show every week does not make you a bike mechanic. If you want the joys of riding, learn a bit more besides where to stick the key.

I'm not asking you to learn how to rebuild the top end on a 56 pan head, or replace the gears in your tranny. I'm just saying that just because you spent more on your bike than I did my house does not mean it will not break. And we all know that nothing breaks at a good time.

And to all of you folks with more bucks than brains, God Bless You. I know that I may be down and often critical of those $40,000 chrome monstrosities but if you feel that, that is what you need then by all means buy one. But, do not look down on me and my chopped Triumph at the red light because I have zip ties holding my wires against the frame. Because unlike you I know what each of those wires goes to and when your bike breaks I'm going to be the guy that pulls over to offer help.

One more thing and we'll break for a commercial. If you want to learn something about this lifestyle, watching Jr. and Sr. throw a frame around the shop will not teach you much. Turn off the tube (it will rerun later I swear) and make it out to a run. Even if you don't have your bike yet, go out to a bike shop and flip through the fliers that pile up next to the register. Then grab some batteries for your camera, put on your best biker garb and go see what it's all about. You don't need to get tattooed, scare small children, or run from "da-man" to be a biker. Hell you don't even need to own a bike or even a black t-shirt. All you need is a love of motorcycles and enjoy hanging out with some fun people and you'll fit right in.

So while there's still day light outside I'm going to head out to my office and pick up my new sporty tank that just came in on the big brown truck from one of my eBay ventures and see if I can do some placements on my frame to see just how much I'm gonna have to do to it to make it fit. But you can bet although I may cut the tunnel out to put in a wider one to fit my Triumph frame, I wont be stretching it. There's a very good reason why that tank style has not changed it 30+ years. It looks good as is.

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